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Meaning of life

My favorites of philosophy, would-be philosophy and other texts that might help us see our tiny little lives in the right perspective:


My view on heaven and hell:

Heaven is a state of mind. I assume that it is the state of mind at the moment of dying. I define the afterlife as eternity condensed to that single point in time when you die. If you are in a state of peace at that moment, that translates to eternity being heaven.

Probably even 'bad' people will feel some sort of peace at the very last moment, so I assume hell is an invention of mankind, used for moral purposes.

And then there are people who don't consciously die, e.g. in an accident, or during surgery. Consequently, they don't get to 'enjoy' the state of heaven. No big deal either - they may miss out on eternal heaven, yet it is no more than one missed moment.

--Jeroen Houttuin, February 11 2017.

PS This is how I can grasp the afterlife a little - I don't really know anything about it of course. Should we actually meet in heaven, I'll happily admit that I was wrong... Should we meet in hell, well erhh, ..., nah!


Democracy must be something more than two wolves and a sheep voting on what to have for dinner.

-James Bovard, Lost Rights: The Destruction of American Liberty (1994)


I appreciate you trying to make a compliment, but I'm not a 'thing that happened'...
-joempie 2011


If I paddle you, will you cry me a river?
-joempie 2010


Believe nothing, no matter where you read it, or who said it, no matter if I have said it, unless it agrees with your own reason and your own common sense.

-Buddha


Last Christmas, I gave you my heart, but the very next day, you gave it away.

This year, to save you from tears, I'll give you something special.

joemp, 2007

 



Save a tree. Eat a beaver.


 

Ärzte wissen viel mehr als ich, aber ich weiss nicht viel weniger als sie.

joempie, 20080522

 


 

Wenn man erkennt, was für ein Wunder es ist, dass es Überhaupt Leben gibt, dann kann man sich über das Sterben von irgendjemandem doch nie beschweren.

Und erst recht nicht bei Gott....

Ueber sein eigenes Sterben genau so wenig.

Freue Dich lieber, zu leben, oder gelebt haben zu dürfen.

joempie, 20040106

 


 

Im Himmel obe sy mer mynetwäge alli glych, aber hie unde wei mer einschtwyle no Ornig ha!
-- Madame de Meuron

 


 

Love does not consist in gazing at each other but in looking together in the same direction.
Antoine de Saint-Exupéry

 


 

schlussendlich ist
helemaal niets belangrijk
stuff just happens
joempie, 20030906

 


 

Don't talk about life or death, she said, I've had enough of both.
The Waterboys (A Girl Called Johnny)

 


 

Do you realize, that everyone, you know, someday, will die?
The Flaming Lips, 2002

 


 

I think, therefore I am not.
joempie, 20020823

 


 

Theoretisch Theorie Gelijk Praktijk
joempie, 1978

 


 

Ich glaube, ich waere ein besserer Zen-Lehrer als Zen-Schueler.
joempie, 20020816

 


 

But when the flower knew New England...
joempie's mantra, given by a dream, late 2001. Try meditating on it; there's more to it than meets the eye...

 


 

Sag mir Deinen Namen, und ich sag Dir, wie Du heisst.
joempie, 20020816

 


 

If you only have a hammer, you tend to see every problem as a nail.
-- Maslow

 


 

"Love is that condition in which the happiness of another is essential to your own."
-Robert A. Heinlein

 


 

Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. The answer is YES.
-- Swami X

 


 

Reality is just an illusion induced by a lack of drugs.

 


 

'If you don't like the way I drive, stay off the sidewalk!'

 


 

"I believe in a God which doesn't need heavy financing.", Fletch

 


 

It's not whether you win or lose,
it's whether *I* win or lose.

 


 

"The all-American boy prefers beauty to brains because he can see better than he can think."
-Farrah Fawcett

 


 

Yesterday upon the stair
I met a man who wasn't there.
He wasn't there again today --
I think he's from the CIA.

 


 

First Law of Socio-Genetics: Celibacy is not hereditary.

 


 

A day without sunshine is like night.

 


 

A chicken is just an eggs way of creating another egg...

 


 

America may be unique in being a country which has leapt from barbarism to decadence without touching civilisation.
-- John O'Hara

 


 

Re graphics: A picture is worth 1000 words -- but only those to describe the picture. Hardly any sets of 1000 words can be adequately described with pictures.

 


 

We really don't have any enemies. It's just that some of our best friends are trying to kill us.

 


 

By doing just a little every day, you can gradually let the task completely overwhelm you.

 


 

"I know not with what weapons World War III will be fought, but World War IV will be fought with sticks and stones."
-- Albert Einstein

 


 

If two men agree on everything, you may be sure that one of them is doing the thinking.
-- Lyndon Baines Johnson

 


 

If at first you don't succeed, redefine success.

 


 

Atlee is a very modest man. And with reason.
-- Winston Churchill

 


 

Time flies like an arrow
Fruit flies like a banana

 


 

Leibowitz's Rule:
When hammering a nail, you will never hit your finger if you hold the hammer with both hands.

 


 

"You know, you perplex me. Normally, people who lack physical appeal make up for it with an actual personality!" -- Dr. Frasier Crane ("Cheers")

 


 

They're only trying to make me LOOK paranoid!

 


 

Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they AREN'T after you.

 


 

California is a fine place to live -- if you happen to be an orange.
-- Fred Allen

 


 

Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.

 


 

Know thyself. If you need help, call the C.I.A.

 


 

"Would you tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?"
"That depends a good deal on where you want to get to," said the Cat
-- Lewis Carrol

 


 

If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?
-- Art Hoppe

 


 

Shaw's Principle:
Build a system that even a fool can use, and only a fool will want to use it.

 


 

God is Dead
-- Nietzsche
Nietzsche is Dead
-- God
Nietzsche is God
-- The Dead

 


 

If an S and an I and an O and a U
With an X at the end spell Su;
And an E and a Y and an E spell I,
Pray what is a speller to do?
Then, if also an S and an I and a G
And an HED spell side,
There's nothing much left for a speller to do
But to go commit siouxeyesighed.
-- Charles Follen Adams, "An Orthographic Lament"

 


 

H. L. Mencken's Law:
Those who can -- do.
Those who can't -- teach.
Martin's Extension:
Those who cannot teach -- administrate.

 


 

The cost of living hasn't affected its popularity.

 


 

I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not so sure.

 


 

It's easier to fight for one's principles than to live up to them.

 


 

The goal of Computer Science is to build something that will last at least until we've finished building it.

 


 

Know what I hate most? Rhetorical questions.
-- Henry N. Camp

 


 

I don't object to sex before marriage, but two minutes before?!?

 


 

If all the salmon caught in Canada in one year were laid end to end across the Sahara Desert, the smell would be absolutely awful.

 


 

I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy.

 


 

There are really not many jobs that actually require a penis or a vagina, and all other occupations should be open to everyone.
-- Gloria Steinem

 


 

What is worth doing is worth the trouble of asking somebody to do.

 


 

Minds, like parachutes, only function when open.

 


 

"De wereld is mijn vaderland
en wetenschap mijn religie"
-Christiaan Huygens-

 


 

Teachers are supposed to teach you *HOW* to learn, not *WHAT* to learn.

 


 

Computer Science is merely the post-Turing decline in formal systems theory.
- Fortune cookie

 


 

"Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proved it correct, not tried it."
-- Donald Knuth

 


 

What good is having someone who can walk on water if you don't follow in his footsteps?

 


 

All I ask is a chance to prove that money can't make me happy.

 


 

If you're happy, you're successful.

 


 

How long a minute is depends on which side of the bathroom door you're on.

 


 

A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.
-- William James

 


 

If you don't care where you are, then you ain't lost.

 


 

Conscience is what hurts when everything else feels so good.

 


 

"Wagner's music is better than it sounds."
-- Mark Twain

 


 

Save the whales. Collect the whole set.

 


 

The light at the end of the tunnel is the headlight of an approaching train.

 


 

Confession is good for the soul only in the sense that a tweed coat is good for dandruff.
-- Peter de Vries

 


 

It's not an optical illusion, it just looks like one.
-- Phil White

 


 

Like the ski resort of girls looking for husbands and husbands looking for girls, the situation is not as symmetrical as it might seem.
-- Alan McKay

 


 

I'm not prejudiced, I pick on everybody.

 


 

The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.

 


 

"One hand in bush worth two in bird?"
-- Julian Clarey

 


 

Don't fart it, and waste it...Burp it, and taste it!

 


 

If everything is coming your way then you're in the wrong lane.

 


 

Absence makes the heart go wander.

 


 

Screw me if I'm wrong but you want to fuck me don't you?

 


 

You can't judge a book by the way it wears its hair.

 


 

"It's easier said than done."

 

... and if you don't believe it, try proving that it's easier done than said, and you'll see that "it's easier said that `it's easier done than said' than it is done", which really proves that "it's easier said than done".


Confucius he say...go to bed with problem in hand... wake up with solution in palm!


Lazlo's Chinese Relativity Axiom:
No matter how great your triumphs or how tragic your defeats -- approximately one billion Chinese couldn't care less.


Things are more like they used to be than they are now.


Peace and war are always with us, but truces never last...
Tim Dixon


Routing:
"Would you tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?"
"That depends a good deal on where you want to get to," said the Cat
-- Lewis Carrol


The National Short-Sleeved Shirt Association says:
Support your right to bare arms!


While money doesn't buy love, it puts you in a great bargaining position.


Remember, even if you win the rat race -- you're still a rat.


Pascal, n.:
A programming language named after a man who would turn over in his grave if he knew about it.


An opinion is what you have when you don't have facts.


Beauty is only a light switch away.
Dave Brigham


"To YOU I'm an atheist; to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition."
-- Woody Allen


This is the story of the bee
Whose sex is very hard to see

 

You cannot tell the he from the she
But she can tell, and so can he

The little bee is never still
She has no time to take the pill

And that is why, in times like these
There are so many sons of bees.


If you sprinkle
When you tinkle
Please be neat
And wipe the seat.


... at least I thought I was dancing, 'til somebody stepped on my hand.
-- J. B. White


Jone's Motto:
Friends come and go, but enemies accumulate.


One nice thing about egotists: they don't talk about other people.


Xerox never comes up with anything original.


... Jesus Saves, Passes to Moses, He Shoots; SCORES!!


Oh, well, I guess this is just going to be one of those lifetimes.


Te koop: etc. etc.
Voor nog geen 451,- nl. 450,- is hij van jou !


Any fool can paint a picture, but it takes a wise person to be able to
sell it.


Experience is what you get when you were expecting something else.


> I cannot overemphasise the importance of good grammar.

 

What a crock. I could easily overemphasise the importance of good grammar. For example, I could say: "Bad grammar is the leading cause of slow, painful death in North America," or "Without good grammar, the United States would have lost World War II."
-- Dave Barry, "An Utterly Absurd Look at Grammar"


Did you know that clones never use mirrors?
-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"


Time is nature's way of making sure that everything doesn't happen at once.


Diplomacy is the art of saying "nice doggy" until you can find a rock.


Barth's Distinction:
There are two types of people: those who divide people into two types, and those who don't.


No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.
-- Eleanor Roosevelt


If someone had told me I would be Pope one day, I would have studied harder.
-- Pope John Paul I


Adolescence, n.:
The stage between puberty and adultery.


Monday is an awful way to spend one seventh of your life.


You never get a second chance to make a first impression.


"He's just a politician trying to save both his faces ..."


I generally avoid temptation unless I can't resist it.
-- Mae West


Get forgiveness now -- tomorrow you may no longer feel guilty.


"Gentlemen, if we do not succeed, then we run the risk of failure."
- D. Quayle


Murphy's Law is recursive. Washing your car to make it rain doesn't work.


Was meinen Sie als Unbeteiligter zum Thema 'Intelligenz'?


My opinion is objective - so don't argue with me


Fliegt tief die Kuh
und hoch das Rind,
dann sieht das aus
nach Wirbelwind!


Geht die Sonne auf im Westen ...
musst du deinen Kompass testen !


Wenn's im Januar stuermt und schneit, ist der Februar nicht mehr weit...


Capitalism is when men exploit men. Socialism is the opposite....


Antonym, n.:
The opposite of the word you're trying to think of.


Everything you can imagine is real.
Pablo Picasso


Only in quiet waters do things mirror themselves undistorted. Only in a quiet mind is adequate perception of the world.
Hans Margolius


To the fool, he who speaks wisdom will sound foolish.
Euripides


Never judge a book by its movie.
J. W. Eagan


Never express yourself more clearly than you are able to think.
Niels Bohr


In 1974 werd 'neuken' voor het eerst opgenomen in het Verklarend handwoordenboek der Nederlandse taal van Koenen (de zevenentwintigste druk van dit populaire schoolwoordenboek), door de lexicograaf J.W. Drewes, met als voorbeeldzin ‘ze spartelde tegen, maar ik heb haar toch geneukt’. Zeer educatief...


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